tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-283965292024-03-07T18:33:37.539-08:00Closing the Gap in NYCJuliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18359135265195041940noreply@blogger.comBlogger200125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28396529.post-77716493728976338602010-12-01T17:50:00.000-08:002010-12-01T18:12:36.712-08:00Still Fighting...Although now it's from a new city where I have a new last name and no longer spend my days with children. So much changes in a year.<br /><br />I now live in Kansas City (home to a Momma and niece that are pretty much the best people in the entire world and completely worth moving across the country for...) I'm a wifey now...anybody that can put up with me through my first 2 years of teaching deserves the best of me for at least the rest of his life... <br /><br />I work to support 1st and 2nd year teachers across 5 schools. I can occasionally work from home and am rarely up before 8 am (although you will often find me meeting with teachers at Starbucks well into the night...) Most days this role is the best professional development I've ever had, but every once in a while it feels like riding at the front of the first year teacher roller coaster with 21 people in the cars behind you, looking for any sign of panic and 'I don't have this all together'ness. <br /><br />In my new job I talk about my kids often - the same kids who I shared with you for 2 years - who I now Facebook stalk to make sure they're going to school on time, doing their homework, and not drinking (or at least not posting about it on Facebook...). They're in their mid teens now, and the pictures of them I have hanging in my cubicle look so very different from the chiseled young men they have become over the last 4 years. The stories I tell of them now are very different from the ones shared with you in the moment. They are now more edited - the Disney version instead of the documentary one. Sugar coated. With a music montage in the middle.<br /><br />The reality is that many of them are not where I hoped they would be. Some have been in and out of juvenile detention. Some have babies. Some do not regularly go to school. And I can't help but wonder what I could have done differently...knowing all the while that I did the best I could with who I was at the time.<br /><br />I hope to post here more often, if not for support (does anybody even still read this?!), then at least to have a record of the career of a young ed-reformer - incredibly passionate about this gross injustice within our country. Not sure how to fix it - not even sure if I will see it fixed in my lifetime, but dedicated to trying incredibly hard for the rest of my career to make sure that the stories of future Adonys, Maliks, Yahkemps, and Joshuas have happy endings...Juliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18359135265195041940noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28396529.post-69591312444108244352009-07-08T18:14:00.000-07:002009-07-08T18:21:44.137-07:00Confessions...I LOVE my new job. I love my colleagues, the kids I work with, the parents - I work in a strong school with a good community of people around me and FINALLY feel like what I do everyday actually closes the achievement gap.<br />But I still think about them - my old kids - all of the time. When I say all of the time, I mean at LEAST daily. I regret that I wasn't there to make them cakes on their birthdays, mediate their fights, prepare them for the state test, and see them walk across the stage at their 5th grade graduation. I still get random texts from them asking if I'll come back, or if I could teach at their middle school. It pains me so much every time I type the word 'no'. I vow to stay in touch, but we both know that this isn't enough. They need someone everyday to believe in them - to push them.<br />I left because I knew there would always be more kids - another reason to stay in a school where I wasn't supported professionally or personally.<br />So why, after so long, do I still feel like I should have stayed?<br />Like the kids at my new school would be okay without me, but there are 13 kids in the Bronx who are not okay because I left...<br />This is the only decision I've ever wrestled with for so long.<br />Does that mean I made the wrong choice?Juliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18359135265195041940noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28396529.post-61177051004363195982009-04-24T18:13:00.001-07:002009-04-24T18:23:57.983-07:00See You Later :)I've given in to the fact that I'm no longer a good blogger. And I'm okay with that.<br />Because I converse. <br />I used to work at a school where I had only very surface conversations - any 'real' conversations I had were about my personal life, and these were very rare.<br />Now I work in a school with true colleagues - people I have a deep respect and appreciation for. In these colleagues I have found a handful of 'thought partners' - people with whom I discuss lessons, data, theories of education, students, good days, bad days, and in the midst of it all....life.<br />And somehow, the <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">desperate</span> need for so much help from a blogging community is gone.<br />Well, maybe not gone - but there's no longer time.<br />Face to face conversations take time - relationship building takes time - and right now that's more important than <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">chronicling</span> this experience here for myself (which is what this was intended to be). <br />So this will remain, for now, stagnant. I don't want to feel the guilt of not blogging anymore, but I want to have the opportunity to do so if I feel the need to share again.<br />And with this....a weight has been lifted...Juliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18359135265195041940noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28396529.post-36830860651260371842009-02-16T19:18:00.000-08:002009-02-16T19:21:45.378-08:00Vacation!5 days to sleep past 5 am, to work out and not worry about the clock, eat when I want to and go to the bathroom more than 3 times during the day.<br />To catch up on wedding planning...lesson planning...and TiVo.<br />This will be good :)Juliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18359135265195041940noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28396529.post-63075100921080522062009-02-12T17:35:00.000-08:002009-02-12T17:50:35.400-08:00Sugar Cane - Missy Higgins<br /><em>Baby ballerina's hiding somewhere in the corner, where the shadow wraps around her </em><br /><em>and our torches cannot find her, she will stay there 'til the morning, </em><br /><em>crawl behind us as we are yawning, and she will leave our games to never be the same. </em><br /><em>So grow tall sugar cane. </em><br /><em>Eat the soil, drink that rain. </em><br /><em>But know they'll chase you if you play their little games. </em><br /><em>So run, run fast sugar cane.</em><br /><em></em><br />It's her song. My student who reads on a 1st grade level and writes on a kindergarten level. She's in 3rd grade, supposed to be in 4th. Not shocking, really - if you consider that I teach special ed in NYC. (Although the fact that that's the standard is so incredibly sad.)<br />But the fact is that we are a great school. We work hard. Her parents are involved. We have professional development that most teachers only dream of. Our management is super tight.<br />And yet...when she speaks it sounds like 4 sentences smashed into one - her writing is much of the same.<br />She shakes her head when you ask her a question, almost as if she's a slot machine and someday she'll hit the jackpot, spitting out a perfect, insightful answer that will get her the praise she so desparately seeks.<br />She works harder than most students I know. 1 of 10 children, she's a caregiver, nurturer, and leader. <br />But will she go to college? Will she graduate college? Today her dad, in a look of defeat I seldom see, told me he knew what it was going to be like for her. She would get held back and get held back until she eventually just quit.<br />Somewhere, in the midst of the college pennants and cheers and an extended school day and intervention groups, this little girl is drowning and I don't know how.Juliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18359135265195041940noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28396529.post-68125316436861751172009-02-01T16:27:00.000-08:002009-02-01T16:32:40.980-08:00Only 3 weeks ago we returned from break.<br />Rejuvinated...rested...inspired by the time we had to be a person.<br />I made a promise to myself to be more balanced. To work out more. To leave work at least 3 days a week at or before 5:00 (this is HUGE for my school, considering I used to always stay until at least 6). To spend more time with my friends...boyfriend....and dogs.<br />And to sleep more.<br />I'm doing all of these things, but I'm still <em>exhausted.</em><br />I see it in my colleagues, too.<br />How do you give kids what they need - purposeful lessons, tight classroom management, an extended school day, and lots of academic intervention for students who fall beind....and still make sure teachers get what they need?<br />I love my school. I love the people I work with. But I would love to wake up in the morning and not feel so <strong>exhausted</strong>.<br />Maybe I should become a regular coffee drinker.Juliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18359135265195041940noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28396529.post-25195953899485143962009-01-25T14:52:00.000-08:002009-01-25T14:56:45.148-08:00I watched the inauguration with 100 students, most of whom will be the first in their family to go to college.<br />They clapped each time the audience clapped and after the swearing in, most of the teachers in the room were teary-eyed. Several of the students comforted us, which totally speaks to the culture of our school.<br />It was incredibly powerful to watch such an important moment in history with kids who I know are going to have amazing opportunities in life because of the work our school does with them.<br />We work hard, and there are times that I'm incredibly tired. But we support each other.<br />I'm so proud to be a part of my school....and sad only that I couldn't bring my old kids with me.Juliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18359135265195041940noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28396529.post-61902019705109228502008-12-23T14:15:00.000-08:002008-12-23T14:29:24.980-08:00Going OfflineIn a letter released by my charter school's superintendents, they encouraged us to "go offline" - or they said that this is a time of year that the organization "goes offline" - something to that effect. But basically it gave me permission to not bring home my laptop....or check my email....or think about school or kids or TFA or my corps members for the next 9 days.<br />To take a much needed mental vacation.<br />This organization - who gave me a laptop which has subsequently been attached to me for the last 4 months, is encouraging me to take a break, and I plan to do it.<br /><br />To take time to be a a friend, fiance, aunt, daughter, grandaughter, <em>Kansan</em>. I'm so excited. I'm going to eat...and sleep....and eat....and sleep.<br />And come back rejuvinated and ready to focus more on how to balance my job with the rest of my life - something I failed at miserably in the last few months.Juliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18359135265195041940noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28396529.post-9763828687360011452008-12-10T17:45:00.000-08:002008-12-10T18:06:27.421-08:00I Used to be a BloggerBut now I'm a crazyteacher - one that works 70+ hours a week AND leads first year teachers in a professional development group to make sure that their kids have a rockin' school year.<br />And a wedding planner/dog owner/yogi/person in constant search of work life balance.<br />And did I mention sleep deprived?<br />I think my most uttered phrase is, "I'm exhausted."<br />Either that or "Yes or no", because when you ask my kids a question, most of them just stare at you unless you give them an option for a response.<br />But I hold firm in what I've said all semester - my school does a great job of educating kids, and of making me a better teacher, and building true partnerships between school staff and parents. I work at a great school - I feel like my voice matters.<br /><br />And there is 14 days until Christmas, including weekends (which really just mean working somewhere else than my school building).<br />We got a tree this weekend. And red and green candles. And lots of other Christmas/winter decorations. <br />I don't know if I'm celebrating the religious holiday, going home, or the fact that for 2 weeks my alarm will not go off at 5 am.Juliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18359135265195041940noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28396529.post-57481258633081250242008-11-15T16:51:00.000-08:002008-11-15T16:58:52.025-08:00I spent last night and all day today at a FABULOUS workshop on Autism.<br />I learned SO much and am officially on overload...<br />After the workshop I went to the Bank Street Bookstore and somehow walked out with $100 worth of posters, books, flash cards, and phonics games. How does that happen?<br />I spend money on my classroom now in such a different way than I did when I worked for the DOE. When I worked for the DOE, I bought paper, pencils, paid for copies, and sometimes bought things like center books. Now, all basic supplies are provided, and so are basically all teaching resources we want. The only thing is that if the school buys them they belong to the school, and some of these things I want to keep (because I don't plan on staying here <span style="font-style: italic;">forever</span>), and so I buy things that develop me professionally and that make my classroom more inviting...more like the classrooms I remember as a child).<br />Last year, I would have never DREAMED of buying posters, or a game to help kids learn blends and diagraphs. <br />Yet these are the kinds of things I remember about elementary school, and the kinds of things you find when you walk in to suburban and private schools. Neat classrooms - lots of Lakeshore things. <br />Money doesn't equal great classrooms, but I like knowing that when my students look back on their elementary school career, they will not remember going to a school with bars on the windows - they'll remember a classroom with bright posters and fun games :)Juliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18359135265195041940noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28396529.post-6359429544236194322008-11-11T17:10:00.001-08:002008-11-11T17:19:20.944-08:00Day Off?Notsomuch. My morning was filled with meetings, and my afternoon with planning. We had a planning party (aka 3 teachers from my school got together, ate lots of snacks, and planned like crazy people for 6 hours). <br />Even though the days was not the sleep in, watch talk shows in pajamas on the couch day off as I had when I worked in the DOE, I feel relaxed and rejuvenated.<br />A conversation that happens often with staff at my school is whether or not this is sustainable. If not, how can we fix it so that it is, and is fixing it beneficial to kids? There are people that argue that teachers should give as much as they can at a school like mine (long hours, often 70+ hour weeks) and then when they're burnt out, move on to something else. These people feel that it isn't the school's job to ensure sustainability, but rather the achievement of the kids. There are others that argue that staff retention greatly contributes to a schools' culture and the achievement of it's students, and that teacher retention should be a focus of charter schools and other educational institutions with extended hours/weekend work requirements. (My school does not require teachers to teach on weekends, but many charter schools have mandatory Saturday academies). <br />I'm not sure where I stand on this argument, but I know that I don't feel like I could work at this job and have children of my own. I also don't feel like someone could work 40 hours a week and service my children the way they deserve. Maybe there's no answer...maybe it's different for every school or organization?<br />I'd love to hear people's thoughts!Juliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18359135265195041940noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28396529.post-89002173327694723142008-10-20T18:06:00.000-07:002008-10-20T18:14:09.354-07:00Data DayOur kids took school made standardized tests in both reading and math last week and we spent all of today (7:15 - 6) analyzing the data in grades and as a school. We made data driven plans, formed intervention groups, and talked about trends we were noticing and how to continue the great ones and stop the not so great ones.<br />Tomorrow is data day 2 - more planning and looking at numbers and standards and tests and discussing these tests that we now all have memorized.<br />And this is reason #131 why I came to this school. <em>This</em> is great instruction.<br />My old school has most of this stuff on file, too - the only difference is that most of it is contrived for the purpose of the quality review and then never used - by anyone. Here, it's used - breathed. <br />I am part of a great school.<br />A passionate school.<br />A nurturing school.<br />And I work 15 hour days at least 4 days a week, plus take work home on the weekends.<br />I don't remember the last time I got 8 hours of sleep.<br />It's challenging for the right reasons. We fight the right battles....but sometimes the exhaustion gets the best of me and I can't help but want to just come home, make dinner, and lay on the couch with the Boy.Juliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18359135265195041940noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28396529.post-17547316278697730032008-10-20T18:05:00.000-07:002008-10-20T18:06:35.198-07:00From Long AgoI’m exhausted. The kind of exhausted where your head pounds, your throat hurts, and the thought of food makes you nauseas. The worst part about it is….it’s Monday.<br />I feel like I’m teaching better…working smarter….than I ever have.<br />But at what price?<br />Yesterday the boy joked, “What did I do to be so lucky to have you around to watch you work, sleep, and eat?”<br />It was a joke…kind of.<br />Except for there was truth behind it.<br />And I can’t count how many times in the last week a bowl of Lucky Charms was dinner.<br />But my kids are learning. And I feel effective. And valued. And this is what urban education should be…at least inside school walls.<br />But my average days are 6:45 – 6:45, plus a 1 hour commute both ways, and I’m struggling to find balance, peace, time to play with the dogs….and sleep.<br /><br /> <em>I wrote this almost a month ago but never had time or made it a priority to post it....</em>Juliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18359135265195041940noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28396529.post-69619199573092352552008-09-16T18:09:00.000-07:002008-09-16T18:12:37.199-07:00Today as K****i was walking in to my room for his pull out session he goes, Ms. G, you know my very favorite place?!<br />I was just waiting for him to say, "Your classroom! I love learning!"<br />And he goes, "The pharmacy. They have the best toys there. It's awesome!"<br /><br />I continue to be fascinated by him - how his brain works, and at other times, seems to just....shut down.Juliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18359135265195041940noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28396529.post-58812861682891037012008-09-12T19:33:00.001-07:002008-09-12T19:41:24.115-07:00Working 12 hour days 5 days a week, plus a 3 hour commute, doesn't leave much time for blogging.<br />But there are moments to be captured.<br />Like when K****i listed his favorite place as the pharmacy and then wrote 5 small moments about it in writing.<br />Or K**k, and how autism, or whatever goes on in that brain of his, is fascinating and scary all at the same time. Sometimes he repeats, "We're in grave danger," over and over again. Sometimes he spaces out and won't respond to anyone or anything. Sometimes he cries hysterically. And sometimes....he's a totally normal 5 year old.<br />And my team. Teachers and administrators, working together for these kids. Showing up to work optimistic. Supporting one another. Working effeciently. Selflessly. <br />It is not perfect. And I am more tired and overextended than I've been possibly ever.<br />But I love my job. I look forward to going everyday. And I feel unbelievably supported.<br />This is what I moved here to do.Juliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18359135265195041940noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28396529.post-69988075954784919582008-09-04T18:11:00.000-07:002008-09-04T18:15:43.886-07:00They're SucceedingMy babies - in middle school. <br />"I miss our old class," lamented Yahkemp. <br />"Me, too," I confessed.<br />Comfortable silence was followed by regret all of the time I'd spent counting down the days until I wasn't his teacher anymore.<br />He was, after all....<em>exhausting</em>.<br />And hilarious, witty, brilliant, and brutally honest.<br />In many ways, he was one of the toughest students, and people, that I will ever meet and be responsible for educating.<br />And I miss him.<br />Like crazy.Juliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18359135265195041940noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28396529.post-79269924991228433472008-09-01T17:19:00.000-07:002008-09-01T17:27:10.266-07:00ChangesTheir voices changed - my old kids.<br />I called them all today, to hear about their summers, to wish them good luck, and to tell them, <em>just one more time</em>, that if they needed anything, they could always call me.<br />I could hear Ken smiling on the other end of the phone as he told me about Six Flags and Coney Island.<br />Adony vowed to be bad if I didn't come back...I pleaded with him to make good choices, but can only hope that he does.<br />And the others...they are ready. I prepared them. I can only hope that their teachers are ready and see the potential in them that sometimes gets hidden beneath the need to be tough and survive.<br />Tomorrow we will enter different doors. Me a charter school in Brooklyn, them public schools all over the Bronx.<br />2 years ago we met for the first time.<br />Who'd have thought our journey would be so powerful?Juliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18359135265195041940noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28396529.post-74039837547018288052008-08-31T07:12:00.000-07:002008-08-31T07:20:41.775-07:00There are so many stories to tell...<br />about K**K, who gives himself high 5s, and D****i, who's IEP says he can not sort, identify objects, or spell his name. When I pulled him to test him, he did all of these things easily.<br />There's K****i, who some would like to see leave our school for a more restrictive setting....who is possibly the most joyful child I've ever seen.<br />These are the new babies.<br />But I am exhausted.<br />Balancing paperwork and deadlines with my desire to be in the classroom even when I'm supposed to be doing administrative tasks...<br />Working 12 hour days, and bracing myself for the year that is to come.<br />And calling my old kids, to wish them good luck in middle school and 5th grade, and let them know that they are amazing, and to try and make it seem okay that on Tuesday they will have a new teacher. As much as I love my new job, I'm still not okay with someone else teaching my old kids. Maybe I never will be.Juliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18359135265195041940noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28396529.post-21233437302866613612008-08-22T18:48:00.000-07:002008-08-22T18:52:33.792-07:00RestFinally.<br />Yoga and sushi and quiet Friday nights are becoming a routine that keep me sane - focused.<br />And the dogs run as Bob Marley plays from my ITunes.<br />At 9:50 on a Friday night I am answering work emails, but it's okay.<br />Our kindergartners come in 4 days.<br />Little do they know, but they're lives are about to be changed.Juliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18359135265195041940noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28396529.post-71895681750667654072008-08-19T15:12:00.000-07:002008-08-19T15:21:35.781-07:00Space to BreatheWhat I need is air, because there is none. No space to breathe, or be, or laugh that's not scheduled.<br />Today the Boy called to ask me for my DL number. I snapped at him because his 45 second phone call was not in my schedule.<br />And the reality is that my days are scheduled thattight - from 5 am until I crash, sometime between 10:30 and 11.<br />That schedule energizes me for a week or so. Then I begin to resent it.<br />Resentment began to creep in today.<br />When my dogs kept putting a toy on my foot - their way of saying, "Throw this so we can play fetch," signal, but I had a spreadsheet to update and a powerpoint to finish and handouts to print.<br />So I kicked it away.<br />And in this short little, unscheduled break that I will pay for on the back end of the day, I'm SO overwhelmed by the pace of the days that I've set for myself.<br />"So skip spinning," says my brain. "Stay home, cuddle with the boy on the couch. Play with the dogs."<br />But then the part of my brain that makes this schedule says, "Skip spinning?! But when will you make it up!! You have dinner with a friend tomorrow, late meetings Thursday, and happy hour Friday, and scheduled workouts Saturday and Sunday. No make up time. You MUST go tonight. Ignore body, soul, and others around you - follow the flexibinder."<br />But I'm so beyond exhausted....and kids haven't even returned yet.<br />Oy.Juliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18359135265195041940noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28396529.post-19238466027761064402008-08-15T15:06:00.000-07:002008-08-15T15:12:56.893-07:00EnergizedBy a team building afternoon spent painting pottery with colleagues I grow to respect and enjoy more and more everyday. It's hard to believe that 3 weeks ago I didn't know some of them.<br />By approaching 5:00 wake up times. Top colleges are waiting for my kids - it's my job to make sure they get there - who needs sleep?<br />By great classes at my gym - spinning Tuesday nights and yoga on Fridays. Ending my weeks with namaste.<br />By knowing that in a little over a year I will be officially spending the rest of my life with this man who somehow wants to sign up for this craziness for the rest of his life.<br />By realizing that <span style="font-style: italic;">this </span>is what I dreamed of. <br />And it's not perfect - and it will not be easy. And that I feel super overwhelmed a lot of the time with all of the to dos and flexi binders and emails but that <span style="font-style: italic;">this </span>is why I'm here.<br />Yes.<br />This, folks, will be good.<br />Stay tuned.Juliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18359135265195041940noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28396529.post-3456164838240884102008-08-12T14:53:00.000-07:002008-08-12T15:02:20.994-07:00Finding my PlaceIn sessions that are meant for classroom teachers.<br />And when I ask about my role, often times they'll say....oh yeah....ask so and so.<br />And so I continue to lesson plan as if I would have my own classroom. This would be so useful if I was a classroom teacher....but I'm not....and I'm left feeling a little overwhelmed and having so many <em>what exactly am I going to be doing </em>questions. <br />Change always brings apprehension....and so I fill my days with happy hours and dinners with friends and classes at our new gym and picking music for our wedding.<br />And sometimes it feels like there's no room to breathe except in the 5:45 am space where the rest of the world is still asleep and I tip toe out of bed so quietly that neither the Boy or the dogs wake.Juliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18359135265195041940noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28396529.post-42402555603653198372008-08-07T18:04:00.000-07:002008-08-07T18:19:53.309-07:00So I've been gone for a while, but for a good reason.<br />There were birthdays to celebrate, country air to breathe, good food to eat, people to see, and a wedding to plan. (Yep - the Boy and I got engaged a week and a half ago!)<br /><br />But now it's back to teacher land, and this week we've been in full swing with staff training for my new school. I've been in Connecticut this week, training where my charter school was originally founded, with like minded, inspiring, amazing teachers/people.<br />For once, closing the achievement gap on a large scale seems possible. I'm finally part of an organization that I can stay with for a while - who focuses on kids, not paperwork or stupid school ratings or state tests.<br />I'm excited, nervous, anxious, but oh so glad I'm here.<br />Moving ever forward....<br /><br />In my new role I'm part Sped coordinator/part pull out teacher. It will be a big change from having my own classroom and my own kids all day everyday. <br />I've become obsessed with Sped policies and procedures and Outlook calendar is my best friend. Who'd have thought....<br />And at the base of all of this is a mission - one that started with TFA but became so concrete because of 13 kids I spent 2 years with.<br />And yet a little part of me....actually, 99% of my heart, is still not at peace with the fact that I won't be their teacher in September. Maybe it never will be.Juliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18359135265195041940noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28396529.post-23652720109304355162008-07-07T18:45:00.000-07:002008-07-07T19:02:06.085-07:00ForwardAnd so I move forward...but not without looking back, and obsessively keeping in touch with my kids, as much for me as for them.<br />Today I met my new kids and spent the day at my new job, meeting teachers and colleagues. At my new job I'll be a "learning specialist" and "special education coordinator". Basically I'll work with kids in small groups for part of the day, both in and out of the classroom. I'll also teach reading for 1 block of the day, and have parts of my day blocked off for administrative special ed duties, because I'll do the IEPs for the whole school. I have an office, not a classroom. I have a desk, and a phone, and tons and tons of materials I could only dream about at my old school. I wanted to stay afterwards and play :)<br />I met my kids, or some of them, and chatted with them over lunch. One told me about a movie he saw over the weekend, then went right into, "and on Saturday my dad died and my cousin tried to stab my aunt, but he didn't, and now he's in jail." He was so nonchalant, but talked for half an hour about his dad, the funeral, and how the rest of his life would be much harder because now he just had his mom. I wanted to bawl. This little 7 year old just told the story matter of factly with his bookbag on his shoulders and a chocolate milk mustache on his lips. <span style="font-style: italic;">My new kids need help, too</span>, I thought. But still....<br />The excitement for the coming year is overshadowed by the doubt that maybe I didn't make the right decision. That I abandoned my kids and colleagues at my old school. That it wasn't time to leave. But maybe it would never have been the right time to leave. Then again, maybe I should have stayed one more year. To see Adony, Joshua, Chris, Adrielis, Brianna, and Jose graduate. I've never had a harder goodbye than the one on the last day of school. We walked around the school yard crying. Joshua had to be escorted to his bus because he wouldn't stop holding on to me, and I didn't have the emotional strength to pry him off. Adony tried holding the classroom door shut so we couldn't leave.....and at the end of the day, as the rest of the building emptied, my kids surrounded me in my room with a group hug.<br />So even as the excitement grows, I wonder if I'll ever find what I found with those 13 kids those first few weeks of September, 2006. Somehow, I don't think it's possible.Juliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18359135265195041940noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28396529.post-34292399083482975522008-07-06T15:30:00.000-07:002008-07-06T15:33:43.132-07:00Reflection from the Mouths of Those Who Made the ExperienceChris's reader's notebook went from being covered with gang graffiti to the following poem (not originally written by him...):<br />I can overcome my fears<br />I can buy for the hungry<br />I can help stop pollution<br />I can give to the poor<br />I can be what I want<br />I can use my head<br />I can give advice<br />I can receive<br />I can behave<br />I can listen<br />I can think<br />I can teach<br />I can know<br />I can give<br />I can feel<br />I can see<br />I can<br /><br />I asked him if I could have it. He asked why. <br />"To remember one of the smartest 11 year olds I've ever met," I said.Juliehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18359135265195041940noreply@blogger.com2