What I need is air, because there is none. No space to breathe, or be, or laugh that's not scheduled.
Today the Boy called to ask me for my DL number. I snapped at him because his 45 second phone call was not in my schedule.
And the reality is that my days are scheduled thattight - from 5 am until I crash, sometime between 10:30 and 11.
That schedule energizes me for a week or so. Then I begin to resent it.
Resentment began to creep in today.
When my dogs kept putting a toy on my foot - their way of saying, "Throw this so we can play fetch," signal, but I had a spreadsheet to update and a powerpoint to finish and handouts to print.
So I kicked it away.
And in this short little, unscheduled break that I will pay for on the back end of the day, I'm SO overwhelmed by the pace of the days that I've set for myself.
"So skip spinning," says my brain. "Stay home, cuddle with the boy on the couch. Play with the dogs."
But then the part of my brain that makes this schedule says, "Skip spinning?! But when will you make it up!! You have dinner with a friend tomorrow, late meetings Thursday, and happy hour Friday, and scheduled workouts Saturday and Sunday. No make up time. You MUST go tonight. Ignore body, soul, and others around you - follow the flexibinder."
But I'm so beyond exhausted....and kids haven't even returned yet.