Friday, November 10, 2006

I feel like I lost focus.
Like this stopped becoming a mission and started becoming an effort to survive.
Like the passion is there but not like it used to be, then maybe again I associate passion with the rigor of institute when really that was closer to insanity than passion.
I love my kids.
I think about them all of the time.
They are a part of my everyday life, even on weekends and holidays when I don't see them.
I am not teaching like I should.
I am not assessing like I should.
My instruction is not driven by data as much as it should be.
I let my kids get away with not walking in a straight line because I don't have the energy to teach it, even though I know it will save me time in the end.
I do the things I have to do (like bulletin boards and portfolios and grad work and grading and planning) but the creativity is gone, lost in the overwhelming number of never ending tasks.
My kids work silently and instead of rewarding them I relish in the peacefulness.
There is not a sense of urgency, even though we know the ELA is only 33 days away.
How do we get that back?

2 comments:

TessaTeacher said...

Welcome to my world. I reached that point at the beginning of our last Term, and I'm still there now.
You just have to take each day at a time, and keep your focus on the kids and keep doing what you're doing. Somewhere, perhaps not now, it will have an impact on the kids, and you will realise that I did some good in the world.

Keep going. The world needs more teachers like you.
Cheers
Tessa
tessacsibbel!hotmail.com
PS: Did you have any luck with the suggestions I emailled you?

Helen M. Anderson said...

I know exactly what you mean.

Chin up. I hear October and November are dark months, but that it only gets better from here on out...